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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a vegetarian that eats seafood? An omnivore"

"Why did the chicken cross the road twice? Because it was a double-crosser"

"Why are the undead so angry all the time? They have mummy issues."

"Q: What do you call a brunette and three blondes in a corner? A: You don't you see if you've got 3 condoms."

"My dad lied a lot. I was 17 before I realized the 'Silver Table Cat' wasn't a real species, and that we didn't own a pet, we owned a toaster"

"A man was driving a black truck. His lights were not on. The moon was not out. A lady was crossing the street. How did the man see her? It was a bright sunny day."

"What was Tigger doing in the toilet? Looking for Pooh"

"8: I'm gonna marry someone who likes a different cereal than I do, so he won't eat all my favorite cereal. Me: Sounds pretty legit."

"I'm 0 for 3 in getting people to try a spoonful of my homemade peach jam on the subway platform this morning. Some days are challenging!"

"How to lose an argument with a woman: 1) Argue."