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Joke of the Day
"FRIEND: Try to relate to her. (Later on Date) ME: *nervously* Can I be your cousin?"
Next Joke
"What's Whitney Houston's favorite type of coordination? Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeye."
"A University professor goes to his German doctor about a strange mole... ""Ich bin ein doctor."""
"i'll have a burg please [waiter looks confused] a burg. a meat frisbee. a seared bovine disc. a hamburger sandwich. a bunned beefling my man"
"What's the best part about abortions? They never get old"
"What's the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute? A prostitute can sell her crack more than once"
"I used to accidentally hold hands with strangers I mistook for my dad. It's slightly weirder now that I'm in my 20s and doing it on purpose."
"""You're sure you understand stock trading?"" ME: Yep ""Then why (holds up card) did you trade our Google shares for a Charizard?"""
"Why are locksmiths in Japan cooler than the rest of the world's locksmiths? Because in Japan they're rocksmiths. "
"What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb? You can unscrew the light bulb."