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Joke of the Day

"I don't run with scissors. The last 2 words in that sentence were unnecessary."

"Did you hear about the hard working sander company that refuses to give their workers kneepads. Aka Bernie Sanders."

"I called the bowling alley today and asked if they had 10 pound balls. He said ""yes"", which I thought was amazing for how fast he was able to run to the phone."

"Instead of a flask I keep a small kitten in my jacket pocket that I pull out for a quick pet whenever I need a pick-me-up."

"Oprah just came out with a line of vibrators They're called ""the O""."

"TIL That in 2014 Netflix announced they wouldn't be pursuing science-fiction themed original content. But Stranger Things have happened."

"What do you call an ion that also raps? Fluoride, duh."

"I could live comfortably for the rest of my life on the advertising budget of an insurance company on any given weekend in the fall."

"How does Snoop Dogg keep his canine teeth white? BLEEEEEE-YATCH!"

"What do you call an Asian guy with a great work ethic? Task Oriental."