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Joke of the Day

"As a lubricated finger was pushed into my anus, I couldn't help but think... That this wasn't any ordinary vet."

"A guy stopped me on the street today and tried to sell me a coffin... I said ""That's the last thing I need"""

"I wonder what my dog named me."

"What do you do if a bird shits on your windscreen? Don't take her out again."

"[Dirty Joke] A pig fell in mud. An even dirtier joke: Two pigs fell in mud."

"You know all that talk about backseat driving? Well I've been driving all my life and can safely say that I've never heard a word from the back seat. What kind of car do you drive? A hearse!"

"The morning after a long night of drinking, I went to buy a flower arrangement. The guy at the counter asked me if I had been drinking. I said, ""No. I woke up like this. Florist."""

"Right now feels like the eye of the storm, or, if you're younger than 25, the drop in the dubstep song."

"Did you hear about that new restaurant they put on the moon? Supposed to have great food but there's just no atmosphere..."

"Personally, I don't think it would feel good to be walking on sunshine. The sun is a fucking hot ball of gas."