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Joke of the Day

"Why do hippies wear patchouli? So blind people can hate them, too."

"Why did the boy jump off the dock? Pier pressure"

"*Looking through binoculars Awww, it looks like she forgot her password. I should remind her what it is."

"There were tons of reddit admins responsible for today's commotion. But not many of them."

"Algebra,trignometry, and calculus are responsible for more doctors than the actual love for the profession."

"[on date] Ok, don't let her know ur a vampire. Her: I think I'll have a steak. A STAKE?? [turns into bat and flies away]"

"the 10,000 hours rule is simpley not true i hav said ""helo bird"" to a bird for over 10,000 hours but i still cam't talk to birds"

"What is a pirates favorite letter? Most say the letter 'R' But a pirates first love is the mighty 'C' By the mighty 'C' I mean the clitoris YARRRRHHHHHhhh....."

"[first day as London tour guide] And over there is the Tower of [frantically flips through guide book for like 20 minutes] Eiffel."

"I just did absolutely nothing for this Klondike Bar."