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Joke of the Day

"Wife's been out of town 96 hrs now & everything's gone to hell. We're all wearing patio furniture tarps & worshiping a boar head on a stick."

"If I have to pay to use this bathroom, I'm going to lose my shit. Because I'm broke."

"Why are black people so good at basketball? Because they have great hangtime."

"Charities - Because nothing shows how far your 2/month could go than a 100 million advertising campaign."

"Hey girl, are you a fan? Because you're obsessive and loud"

"What do you get if cross two young dogs with a pair of headphones ? Hush puppies !"

"Why couldn't the anarchist draw a straight line? He didn't have a ruler!"

"What is worse than ants in your pants? ......... Uncles."

"Diet, Day 14: I hate everyone. My children are scared of me & I've repelled everyone else. But I'm starting to really like pears."

"It's my wife's birthday soon. She said she wanted something with diamonds so I got her a deck of cards."