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Joke of the Day

"We're celebrating Thanksgiving the old fashioned way at my place this year By inviting our neighbors over to eat and then killing them and taking their land"

"I told everyone at the party how much I love MC Escher and I got some weird stairs"

"Wanna Play Barbies? Man: ""Hi there, would you like to play barbies?"" Lady: ""I guess so?"" Man: ""Awesome, I'll be Ken and you can be the box I come in."""

"He leans in, looks into my eyes, and lowers the lights. I go in for the kiss. And now I'm being escorted out of the opticians."

"A boy has a stunning realization and confronts his mother Boy: Mum! Why am I black and you're white? Mum: Considering all the crazy shit I've done years ago, you should be glad you aren't barking"

"You know what they say about people with big brains, right? ""You have a severe case of meningitis."""

"Society is so PC nowadays, you can't even say ""Ho ho ho"" You have to say ""Jessica, Patricia, and Michaela"""

"Thousands of people are attacked by sea creatures every year. We at BP are dedicated to bringing that number down. You're welcome!"

"If I'm going to be in your dreams tonight please let me know so I can stuff some socks down the front of my pants."

"Carried 9 oranges up to the cashier and she says ""Ya want a box for them?"" ""I was willing to pay"" I said ""but I guess we can fight for em"""