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Joke of the Day

"[doing a sexy skype chat] GF: show me urs & I'll show u mine ME: mmm baby I can't wait *we both lower our cams to show each other our dogs*"

"Job interviewer: ""Why do you want to join the Secret Service?"" Me: ""It's a secret."" Job interviewer: ""You got the job."""

"Women fake orgasms to have relationships. Men fake relationships to have orgasms."

"I'm told as a lady in my 30s I shouldn't wear certain things anymore - like halter tops, pigtails, and the scalps of my vanquished enemies."

"What kind of bikes do girls ride? Menstrual Cycles (I'm 99% sure I made this up!)"

"""Seriously, is that what I look like?"" - robot watching a guy 'doing the robot'"

"Mitt Romney says that people who are voting for Barack Obama don't work and don't pay taxes. I guess that means Romney is voting for Obama."

"My favorite exercise is a mix between a lunge and a crunch. I call it Lunch"

"I'm taking part in a scavenger hunt. I have already killed twelve scavengers"

"Why was Skrillex never in an orchestra? Because he would always drop the bass"