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Joke of the Day

"As a man in his 70s I still manage to have sex with my wife almost every day... Almost Monday, almost Tuesday...."

"Why couldn't the blind black man play hockey? Because he was black."

"They said I had a small penis, but they'll see. They'll ALL see! Nevermind actually, that's illegal"

"What's the difference between america and a bottle of milk? In 200 years the milk will have developed a culture"

"Gonna open a karaoke place where each song is 90 seconds max. Most are 25 seconds. Just the chorus one time, then onto the next song."

"Dad-Son Dad: There's this test we need to go for. Son: You never told me earlier! I'm going to fail now. Dad: It's a DNA test. You have to pass."

"Did you hear about the guy who is half black and half Japanese? Every December 7th he attacks Pearl Bailey."

"If your partner/spouse tells you they're not reading everything you tweet: A) they're lying B) hi honey!"

"There is no amount of money I wouldn't pay for a remote control that could walk itself over to me from the other side of the room."

"On your own, it's just near impossible to scrub your own back which is why a shower wall made entirely of loofah would really come in handy."