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Joke of the Day

"I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: 'This could be interesting'."

"[1st date] HER: My favorite movie is Zoolander, how bout u? ME: OMG SAME HER: What part's ur fave? ME: Um [sweating] when he lands a zoo"

"Who do you think was smarter, Jesus or Buddha? I mean, just in terms of not letting themselves get crucified. *-Anthony Jeselnik, Shakespeare*"

"I'm not saying it's hard for me to lose weight, I'm just saying if you interrupt me when I'm eating I'm starting over."

"I'm giving up spray deodorants for the new year. Roll on 2016."

"Another Calculus Joke! What is a derivative in a derivative? Inflection."

"I want a SPIDERMAN GO app where I have to get pictures of spiderman for a furious j jonah jameson"

"The difference between shit and oh shit: A boy mistakenly sends a love letter to the brother's girlfriend. Shit! Girlfriend's brother happens to be lesbian. OH SHIT!!"

"I hate people who talk behind my back. They discussed me"

"What do you call a five year old with no friends? A sandy hook survivor"