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Joke of the Day

"What do you get when you cross an octopus and a cow? A stern letter from the ethics committee and an immediate cessation of funding. *stolen from I Fucking Love Science"

"I tell all the girls I chat to that I last ages in bed. It sounds better than telling them I'm on the dole, and don't get up until lunchtime."

"My son just demanded to be changed into different pajamas for breakfast. Thanks, royal baby."

"Don't panic if your parachute doesn't open! You have the rest of your life to fix it!"

"What was Hitlers favorite letter? Well I can tell you its Not C... and Not Z for sure __________ Just thought of this lol (the not C part) /u/PM_ME_2_SEE_MY_DICK .... thought of not z..."

"I saw a lady texting and driving today... I was furious. I rolled down my window, and threw my beer at her."

"Happy Womens Day They say a womans work is never done... Perhaps that's why they're paid less?"

"If I don't wake up with Britney Spears' body circa ""I'm a Slave 4 U"" and a rich handsome boyfriend then I KNOW Santa's not real."

"Left my iPod in the Washer and Dryer... I accidentally left my iPod in the washer and dryer, and when I took it out, all of my songs with explicit lyrics had been deleted."

"Masturbation is like procasination In the end you're just fucking yourself"