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Joke of the Day

"What do you get when you cross an octopus and a cow? A stern letter from the ethics committee and an immediate cessation of funding. *stolen from I Fucking Love Science"

"My girlfriend has the hottest ass in the world. Me"

"Little Timmy... Little Timmy had a drink, But drink he will no more, For what he thought was H2O, Was H2SO4."

"Have you ever flicked a cigarette out the window then five minutes later you start to smell something? So you turn around only to find your grandma fingering herself in the back seat."

"Saw a guy with three lip-ring piercings on the subway today. Took everything in my power not to attach a shower curtain."

"I taught the kids to sign my name on report cards and detention slips because a good parent knows how to delegate responsibility."

"Whats the difference between a blond and a mosquito? If you slap a mosquito it will stop sucking!"

"Have you heard that there's a new mountain website? Really? I must take a peak at it!"

"How do you make a woman blind? Put a windshield in front of her."

"Kids suck. Even God gave up after only having one."