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Joke of the Day

"Men statistically have larger brains than women, which is why men are usually smarter and elephants rule us all from their laser-hovercraft"

"What do you get when you combine human DNA with a goats? kicked out of the petting zoo..."

"A(n atrocious) Knock-Knock Joke Knock knock! Who's there? Cop car goes ""wee!"" Cop car goes ""Wee!"" who..."

"I dunked on my brother one summer, like, 20 yrs ago, on the adjustable hoop in the driveway, & I still think about it roughly twice a week."

"Told my doctor I would lose 10 pounds in three months. That was three months ago and now I have 18 hours to lose 934 pounds."

"Me: I'm happy right now. Life: Lol one sec"

"I'm so drunk right now I just walked into Canadian customs and shouted ""Why y'all checkin' me?! Ur the ones with a pot leaf on your flag!!"""

"If the US ever decides to change its currency from the dollar to the unmatched tupperware lid I'll be a very wealthy man."

"""Always bring a nail file, scissors, tweezers, a corkscrew, a toothpick and a bottle opener to a knife fight."" -- The Swiss Army"

"If cartoons are a reliable guide, the secret to never ageing is wearing the same clothes every day."