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Joke of the Day

"A man goes to the zoo and the only animal there is a dog, It's a shitzu."

"I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!"

"Officer: have you been drinking? Me: no sir 0: you were swerving M: Twitter O: oh, I'm on Twitter what's your handle M: yes, I was drinking"

"Why did Bin Laden stop having sex? Every time he looked between a woman's legs, he saw Bush."

"The Energizer bunny is dead... Someone put the batteries in backwards and he died of sexual exhaustion."

"I told my wife I wanted her to spread my ashes for traction when the back porch gets icy That way she can put me to work and step on me one last time."

"Goodnight moon. Goodnight cow jumping over the moon. Goodnight space cow preventing other cows from clearing the moon. Goodnight ketamine."

"Yay know, I'm no pedophile, but this childporn charge is some bullshit... Since when was it illegal search for euthanasia?"

"How do you know you're on the phone with a meth head? When comcast puts them on hold and they don't hang up"

"Told my Vegan Friend to stop with the Puns. He said oh kale no"