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Joke of the Day

"I watch Looney Tunes before I go to work, because there's something about old school cartoon violence that relaxes me"

"Nurse: Would you like an appointment for next week? Patient: No I'm sick now."

"A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, ""Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"" The doctor replied, ""I know, I amputated your arms!"""

"How come when a child shouts ""This is dumb"" at a wedding it's considered cute, but when I do it, I'm immediately replaced by another priest?"

"For fun, the next time you have an attractive waitress- Order a ""quickie"" then act surprised when she tells you it's pronounced ""quiche"""

"""No degrees of separation"" - what I'll whisper to Kevin Bacon after I climb over his security fence at 3am and slip into his bed naked."

"Women don't deserve to be paid as much as men and should stay in the kitchen. I'd go on, but that's the misogyngist of it."

"My walk of shame is putting back the 9 boxes of assorted cereals that my wife found in the grocery cart."

"Hey Dads who think that being home with the kids alone is called ""babysitting"". You're wrong. It's called ""parenting"". Not the same."

"What's the prize for getting the Human Papilloma Virus? You get an a-wart!"