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Joke of the Day

"My coworker couldn't decide which grandparents should be her 2 children's legal guardians, so I said to split them up. Then you only have to decide who gets the top half, who gets the bottom."

"If I've said it once, I've said it one hundred times. I'd rather listen to an auto-tuned queef played on a loop over and over, than listen to Lady Gaga's performance at the Grammy's again."

"What the difference between What's the difference between a chick pea and lentil? I've never paid to have a lentil on me!"

"got 1 of those water bottles w/ the plastic prison inside 4 putting fruit in. i'm gonna put donut in it. donut water.for health n prosperity"

"They say a a dog is man's best friend, but I don't even have enemies that'll look me dead in the eye while taking a sh!t on my carpet."

"My friends started to call me Carlos... because I lost my car."

"What is another term for ob gyn? A Klingon! since obstetrician gynaecologist is too long, and OB GYN doesn't make sense ,lets call them Klingons"

"a strain of weed that permanently erases your memories and reduces your brainwaves to the carefree infantile state of a newborn baby"

"Alchoholic invester Is liquidating his assets"

"Two Fish There are two fish in a tank. One says to the other, ""You man the guns, I'll drive."""