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Joke of the Day

"A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge asks, ""First offender?"" She replied: ""No, first a Gibson, and then a Fender."""

"Are you russian? No, I'm not in a hurry."

"Today I've been cancer free for 19 years.. And it's also my 19th birthday, what a coincidence!"

"How many hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb? It's a really obscure number. You've probably never heard of it."

"Get-rich-quick schemes rarely make much cents"

"I got fired today for arranging the vegetables in a sexually suggestive way Apparently that's ""unacceptable behavior for a special needs teacher""."

"When it comes to Pope vs. Trump, do you take the side of the guy who wears that ridiculous thing on his head or the Pope?"

"Why does a Jew moan when he has an orgasm? Because it has to come from his own sack (Joke might work better in Dutch, where 'zak' means both sack and pocket)"

"The Dalai Lama walks into a pizza place and says 'Make me one with everything'."

"Sex is a lot like chess. It takes practice to be good. You have to adapt quickly to your partner's moves. You're gonna sacrifice some horses"