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Joke of the Day

"What did the ghost say on December 25th? Scary Christmas!"

"God says to jesus, ""You remembered it's father's day?"" Jesus says ""what the hell am I supposed to get a man who has everything?!"" *God turns & winks at camera* ""Omnipresents."""

"Backseat drivers are the worst. They're always like ""the light is red!"" and ""don't text and drive!"" and ""oh god, I think that was a person!"""

"A horse walks to a bar... Many people get up and leave the bar as they see the potential danger in the situation."

"[wife walks in on me showering] ""Why are you wearing swim trunks?"" No reason. [she glares at me] SO MY TEMPORARY TATTOOS DON'T COME OFF OKAY"

"Regarding the change of pm in Australia... Thought that it was abbot time it changed since it turn-ed blue for Tony ... I'll see myself out"

"To impress the guys I told them I was dating an artist. I didn't tell them her preferred medium was sandwiches."

"What every man wants to hear after sex:"

"John was at the 17th floor of a building. John hop off from the ledge and began to fall. Why didn't John die? John is a bird."

"I like that they put Bibles in hotel rooms. You never know when you're going to run into a vampire who's on a road trip."