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Joke of the Day

"Regarding the change of pm in Australia... Thought that it was abbot time it changed since it turn-ed blue for Tony ... I'll see myself out"

"On my home screen I surrounded the Fitbit app with a bunch of food delivery apps so it knows what's up."

"What's black and never works? Decaf coffee, you racist bastard."

"Why are elephants big and grey? Because if they were small and purple, they would be called grapes."

"I just fell down the stairs holding a guitar and accidentally wrote a One Direction song."

"""We don't allow faster than light neutrinos here"" said the bartender. A neutrino walked into a bar."

"[trial] Judge: how do you plead? ""not guilty"" J: but you've admitted to dropping an anvil on him. ""he asked me to make him a pancake"""

"S&M A masochist asks a sadist to hurt him, so the sadist doesn't."

"Mexican version of Gingerbread Man I thought there was a Mexican version of the ""Gingerbread Man"" story. But it was a flan-fiction."

"A cat's love is like nothing you've ever experienced unless you've dated a completely aloof murderer with autism."