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Joke of the Day

"I'm really good at making women laugh out loud When they see me naked for the first time..."

"My wife's got that good at bonsai, we're having to move to a house with a smaller garden."

"My teen yelled at me for not waking her up for school. She's in the shower & I'm wondering when she realizes it's Sunday. This is beautiful."

"Loose weight I feel that the only option for me to loose weight is to either smoke crack or ingest a tape worm but they both require a commitment level that I am uncomfortable with."

"What does the NFL season and the national anthem have in common? Kaepernick is gonna sit through them both."

"If you know I'm I the car and you continue to text me, you basically want me dead..."

"What is horse sense? Stable thinking and the ability to say nay!"

"Hello, I'm a bird, I survived since dinosaurs roamed the earth but windows are too much for me to figure out."

"I like my coffee like I like my women. Irish!"

"[courtroom] Me: ""I OBJECT YOUR HONOR"" Judge: on what grounds? ""LEGAL MUMBO JUMBO"" Prosecutor: he's good Judge: *slams gavel* case dismissed."