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Joke of the Day

"Two flies were sitting on a piece of poo. One farted. The other said 'do you mind? I'm eating.'"

"Took my dog to a bonfire and as he sat there staring at it blankly I realized he loves sticks. I was burning a giant pile of his toys."

"adopted son son: mom i am 100% sure i am adopted, you do not Love me. mom: if we have had adopted a child, we would have adopted the one with better face."

"""Papa who was Hamlet?"" ""You birdbrain! Bring me the Bible and I'll show you who he was."""

"What's the difference between a piano, a tuna, and a pot of glue? You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna!"

"So I fucked this bitch last night, but she was really clingy. I asked a friend for his insight, he said ""Yeah man, golden retrievers can be like that sometimes."""

"How many redditors are needed to screw a lightbulb? As much people as is needed to screw that lightbulb."

"In the street today, an unattractive woman asked for my number, so I gave her a fake. Still feel a bit guilty, as I'd just totaled her car."

"My younger brother told me this. Why don't crabs give to charity? Because they are shellfish"

"I love heavy metal. My favourite is lead."