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Joke of the Day
"That awesome moment when you flip your pillow over to the cold side."
Next Joke
"When you're sad, no one sees your tears. When you're happy, no one sees your smile. But try jacking off in the subway. Then *everybody* stares."
"What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One is a Goodyear and the other is a great year."
"Whats yellow and blue and has a tight ass at one end? A Lidl's carrier bag."
"Some of you should not be allowed to procreate and if you have to google what procreate means, then I'm talking about you in particular."
"It's hard to stay mad at Kanye when you remember he once threatened to move to Oklahoma and live at his aunt's house"
"It's best not to piss off someone with Multiple Personalities You never know how many enemies you're making"
"Rape fantasy Guy: ""Wanna do a rape fantasy?"" Woman: ""No!"" Guy: ""That's the spirit"""
"(i walk up to the counter at subway) hey hows it goin? (i rest my foot on the sneeze guard thing and it slams shut on the guys hands) my bad"
"This line for the bathroom at Starbucks is longer than kim kardashians whole marriage."