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Joke of the Day

"Enterprise What do the USS Enterprise and toilet paper have in common? They both keep Klingons off Uranus."

"A Roman gladiator walks into a bar... He holds up two fingers and says ""Five beers, please!"""

"My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away."

"I caught my girl cheating with my best friend on my new leather couch... Of course I yelled at him.. He's not allowed on the couch. (Made this one up this morning.. Still playing with the wording)"

"That artsy picture you took of your Jack Daniels really spoke to me. It said ""This persons an alcoholic but still takes decent pictures."""

"I got fired from my job at the pasta factory after a fusilli mistakes."

"I'm more hampster than gangster according to autocorrect"

"Why do mexicans only cross the border in pairs? Because the sign reads no ""tres""passing."

"Surround yourself with people that can't handle their alcohol, so you can drink theirs after they pass out."

"What job pays you to shoot people but not harm them? A photographer."