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Joke of the Day

"What job pays you to shoot people but not harm them? A photographer."

"Knock, knock. Go fuck yourselves. - The straight-laced and frustrated FBI agent, played by Tom Hanks', joke in the movie Catch Me If You Can."

"Sorry I threw firewood at you and yelled ""shoo"", but with the amount of eye liner you wear, you resemble the raccoons that raided my cooler."

"""What the hell was that? What the hell was that? What the hell was that?"" (Winning Scriptwriter Submission for Ghost Hunters)"

"If you`re not going to help me break into my ex`s house to delete the hysterical message i left on his answerphone,then you`re not my friend"

"Best thing about being a hermit? No peer pressure."

"If you were stranded on an island and could bring three items what would you bring? Michael Phelps, a saddle, and stick with a gold medal on the end."

"Walked into the kitchen and saw my wife laughing while putting a banana in the garbage disposal so I think I'll sleep in the other room."

"A very drunk man walks into a bar He yells: two large beers and a packet of crisps please! Lady: sir, this is a library. Man, whispering: two large beers and a packet of crisps please!"

"My parents are so impressed with my brothers daily 10 minute workout. I can do it in 8."