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Joke of the Day

"How did one dinosaur insult the other? Yo mama so stupid she gets excited seeing a shooting star."

"Do they make a scale that says things like ""Those shorts probably weigh, what, like 15 pounds?"""

"I'm allergic to bears. One bear bite and it's straight to the ER for me."

"What is wrong with a turtle who can't come out of his shell? Ereptile dysfunction"

"What did the pig say when the wolf grabbed her tail? ""That's the end of me!"""

"How are a full count in baseball and a mutated 2 time convict the same? They both have 3 balls and 2 strikes."

"I'm 49 and my girlfriend is 5 months pregnant! What do you guys think we should do?"

"*rubs magic lamp, genie appears* I wish for World peace. Genie: Can't do it. Million dollars? Genie: Listen bro, I lied on my genie resume."

"Dance like nobody's watching. Paint like your girlfriend doesn't text you too much. Sing like you didn't struggle with algebra in 9th grade."

"My sons having a few friends stay over tonight Hockey mask *check Chainsaw *check Hopefully this will be the last sleepover for a while"