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Joke of the Day

"What kind of movies do pirates watch? ARRRR Rated Movies!"

"A man walks in on his wife, an English professor, having sex with his buddy. Honey! How could you! Well.. I'm surprised! She responds: *I'm* surprised. *you* are *astonished*."

"*returns tent to Target* CASHIER: What was the problem? ME: The packing implied that there would be a family that loves me inside the tent"

"There's only 3 types of people in the world. Those that can count, and those that can't."

"Scientists had already discovered a ninth planet 5000 times the size of Pluto years ago Your Mum"

"I could tell you that sodium hydroxide is a liquid out of solution. But then that would be a lye."

"do u know the muffin man the muffin man the muffin man do u know the muffin man that lives on d-d-d-d-d-d DROP THE BASS *club goes nuts*"

"Every time you reply to a text from your ex, Taylor Swift completes another album. Don't be an enabler. Drop the phone."

"At this point, a phone book is just a list of people who recently died in their homes before cancelling their landline."

"What's Kermit the Frog's favorite song? ""Whib It"" by Devo."