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Joke of the Day

"I'm starting a business in Indiana; we do paternity tests and private investigations. It's called ""Hoosier Daddy and What Does He Do?"""

"Diary June 28 1954 So it turns out my weakness is kryptonite. I can't tell anybody this. June 30 1954 I accidentally told Lex. Should be ok"

"I Finally Chose a College Major... Me: Dad, I think I want to go to college for botany. Dad: Are you sure? What made you interested in that? Me: Well it is a growing field."

"Restaurant At restaurant, We wait for a waiter to bring order... Aren,t we waiter too..."

"Why don't lawyers play hide-and-seek? Nobody will look for them."

"Turns out chiropractors aren't actually dinosaurs."

"If you're in a bar and a newscaster says, ""Police report the killer left a small doll at the scene,"" don't shout, ""It was an action figure!"""

"I really suck at school, the only time I got an A+ is at the blood test."

"[911 call] ""My hand's stuck in a blender!"" ""Turn it on then."" ""What?"" "" I can't hear it, turn it on so I know you're not lying."""

"WATER POLO INSTRUCTOR: ""Are you sure you know what you're doing?"" ME: [Adjusting the mask & snorkel on my horse] ""Of course I do."""