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Joke of the Day

"So I went over to my uncle with a lisp's house He asked me ""hey d-do you w-w-want a d-d-dee-dee-d-d-d-deep-deep-d-deeeeeep freezer?"" I replied: ""Noo thanks buddy that's too deep for me"" [EDIT] Fuck."

"I think i'm spending too much time around my gf's family. I mean, her husband's going to notice sooner or later."

"I used 5 different things as a napkin today and one of them was my neighbour."

"Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? Great service but no atmosphere."

"Skywritten letters: SUSAN I DON'T HAVE A LOT OF MONEY FOR THIS WRITING BUT THIS IS HOW I WANTED TO PROPOSE; WILL YOU MAR"

"Father: How were the exam questions? Son: Easy Father: Then why look so unhappy? Son: The questions didn't give me any trouble just the answers!"

"You know what's more annoying than cops? People who buy old refurbished cop cars and keep the spotlight attached. We all hate you."

"{newer version} I like my coffee like I like my slaves Dark, strong & black and locked inside somewhere so it cant leave. They must be cheap to purchase and it cant talk back to me."

"Liz from HR just called me in. I guess my thigh gap is distracting everyone, like that's my fault"

"I might not be a gynecologist But I know a cunt when I see one"