10878

Joke of the Day

"There are two good reasons never to drink water from the toilet. No 1 and No 2s!"

"I have to put reminders in my phone for everything or I'll forget it. Like 'pick up milk,' 'go to bank,' 'you don't hate minorities.'"

"Girl on my bus has a therapy dog with a marked vest and I was like, ""what kind of therapy is he in?"" because of course I said that"

"Why were the Medieval centuries known as the Dark Ages? It was the knight time"

"Has your mom ever caught you masturbating in the closet? Great hiding spot, isn't it?"

"Jerk chicken is just regular chicken that didn't let it's daughter go to prom"

"The last airline I flew charged for everything. Except for the bad service. That was free."

"LinkedIn is a terrible dating site"

"When I die My only wish is that I die in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling for help like the passengers in his car."

"Doctor doctor give me the news I've got a bad case of lov- oh what's that? It's AIDS? Well that just doesn't rhyme at all"