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Joke of the Day

"Gonna buy an old beat up car for the sole purpose of rear ending the hell outta people I let over and don't get the thank you wave."

"I said to my wife, 'Hey, I really love these new furry condoms.'' 'Bob, that's a cat.'"

"Going to start a band called The Subtweets. All songs will contain cryptic lyrics that incite paranoia in the crowd."

"I don't wanna sound like a dick, but let me just say this:"

"""Annie are you ok?"" -yep ""Are you ok?"" -dude, I just said yes ""Are you ok Annie?"" -THIS IS WHY YOU DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS MICHAEL"

"The 7 Drug Habits Of High, Ineffective People"

"Mr.Bond caught pants down ""Ah, Mr Bond, I-"" *closes laptop lid and pulls up trousers* ""-wasn't expecting you."""

"I saw a sign that said ""Watch for children"" and I thought, ""That sounds like a fair trade""."

"kids can't play outside b/c of the miniscule chance they'll be kidnapped. at age 16 they get keys to a 2000-pound machine powered by fire"

"Why does the farmer hate his job? because he has a deep-seeded hatred for planting."