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Joke of the Day

"Mr.Bond caught pants down ""Ah, Mr Bond, I-"" *closes laptop lid and pulls up trousers* ""-wasn't expecting you."""

"ll be posting telepathically today.. So if you think of something funny, that was me."

"The plan to get my dog to swallow semen is coming on a treat."

"I told a girl a joke. She said, ""Don't quit your day job."" I said, ""Thanks, I'm a comedian."""

"Gay roulette... ...when you have a glory hole and there's a 20% chance you're getting a dude."

"I'll make the punchline, you create the set-up. And that's how I found out... what toxic shock means."

"Why are no murders solved in West Virginia? Everyone has the same DNA and no one has any teeth."

"Her: The laundry pods are missing! Me: Oh really? H: Did you eat them again? M: Absolutely not *burps bubbles* why? H: JUST CALL IT A HUNCH!"

"An old man was asking God: ""God, how much time do I have until I'll die?"" And God answered: ""Nine."" ""God, is that you? What do you mean? Nine months? Nine years?"" ""Eight, seven, six..."""

"What do you get when you cross Batman with Mountain Dew? Dew diligance"