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Joke of the Day

"I sometimes hump random trees in hopes one will ejaculate Keebler cookies."

"I hate my step ladder for not being my real ladder."

"Facebook: losing friends. Twitter: gaining friends Instagram: gaining weight"

"Mom: I called you bc I was watching a TV show & thought of you! Me: Ya? What show? My Mom (laughing): A show about Aliens! Very funny Mom!"

"Why did the girl reject iron oxide? Because it was FeO"

"Flogging Molly is a pretty good Irish punk band; They're also 2 activities typically kept very, very separate."

"An archaeologist notices his partner appears to be nibbling a fossil... Curious, he walks over and asks, ""What you got there?"" ""Not sure"", replies the fellow, ""But you have got to try-a-lil'-bite!"""

"A dick in the hand is worth two in the tush"

"[1st date, don't let her know you're a panda] ""Do u mind if I ask how you got the um *gestures at eyes* These? I..*rubs neck* cage fighting"

"My girlfriend told me I look ""uncool"" with a bike helmet on.. Well you know I'd rather look uncool than fall and split my head open during sex."