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Joke of the Day

"I want to die peacefully in my sleep, just like my grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car."

Next Joke
 
"We were promised flying cars and instead all we got were magic glowing rectangles to access all the world's knowledge :("
"[on phone to gf] her: ""you never understand me anymore so.."" me: ""so what?"" her: ""we're breaking up"" me: ""i can hear you fine"""
"I've always dreamed of swimming in an ocean of orange soda Its a fanta-sea of mine"
"The other day a Swedish man called me a racist and a believer of stereotypes... So Ikea'd his car."
"Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak."
"If you love someone: 1. Set them free 2. Drunk dial them 3. Read too much into their FB posts 4. Make them feel sorry for you 5. Die alone"
"Where are average people made? The satisfactory"
"Three guys walk into a bar... ...the bartender says, ""What is this, a joke?"""
"What do you call an Ox with a gluten allergy? A silly-yak."