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Joke of the Day

"Does anyone need a vacuum cleaner? I have one here, it's just collecting dust."

"How do you know when a Jewish chef is done cooking? You check the oven."

"I like my rum like I like my women Twelve years old and mixed up with Coke."

"Why should I have to take a first aid course? Why is this on me? Why don't you take a ""how to eat sandwiches without choking"" course?"

"I grilled some chicken today... What a waste of time. He still wouldn't tell me why he crossed the road."

"A woman was accused of attacking her husband with several guitars. When she got in front of the judge he asked, ""first offender?"" She replied, ""No. First a Gibson, second a Fender."""

"So you've had white presidents, a black president and now an orange one. I'm crossing my fingers for the Hulk next time around."

"The plan to get my dog to swallow semen is coming on a treat."

"You scream, I scream, we all scream, then I leave the women's restroom."

"What a tense, tense day 4/19 was. Maybe tomorrow, somehow, will be a little mellower."