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Joke of the Day

"A woman was accused of attacking her husband with several guitars. When she got in front of the judge he asked, ""first offender?"" She replied, ""No. First a Gibson, second a Fender."""

"A class is learning about probability.. Teacher: If I toss a penny, what are the chances that I get a head? Girl: For a penny? Not very bright."

"I'm planning on opening a combined cocktail bar and waxing salon. I'm going to call it ""Gin and Bare It""."

"What is the collective noun for three dyslexics? A riot."

"""I SHOULD HAVE KILLED YOU WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE,"" I scream, as a sudden gust of wind blows the spider I threw outside onto my face."

"My ex-girlfriend was a magician... She made all of my money disappear..."

"How many programmers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. We don't address hardware issues."

"my favorite part about fruit is when I run it under water for 3 seconds to convince myself it's no longer covered in carcinogenic pesticides"

"Why can every black person run so fast? Because the slow ones are in jail."

"Pigs don't look very smart to me. Sure they are. You ever see a sow try to make a silk purse out of a farmer's ear?"