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Joke of the Day

"So I used to hang out with a linguist... ...until I found out he was stealing money from me. Turns out he was a false friend."

"1. Dial random number. 2. Wait for answering machine. 3. Say ""My wife is out of town, I miss you"". 4. Hang up. 5. Happy Valentine's Day."

"What is a duck's favorite dance ? The quackstep !"

"What do you call a snake who works for the governement ? A civil serpent !"

"Voldemort is like a teenage girl. He has a diary, a tiara, a special cup, a pet he adores, and an obsession with a famous teenage boy."

"If a bear confronts you in the woods, make it go away by handing it a flyer for your boyfriend's band's show."

"What do you call an Chinese family with a pet dog? Vegetarians. Source: I'm Chinese."

"What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeno business"

"I did two tours in Afghanistan and one in Iraq Thank you for the applause! Not enough people appreciate sex tourists."

"How many hillbillies does it take to screw in a light bulb? 2. A man, his wife, and his cousin"