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Joke of the Day

"How do you know when there is an elephant under your bed ? When your nose touches the ceiling !"

"I went into the changing room in a clothing store several times... But it stayed the same."

"Words can't describe how beautiful you are... But numbers can. 2/10"

"Somebody parked in my spot and now I'm in the market for a rocket launcher."

"""Was he better than me?"" ""Joe, don't."" ""I have a right to know!"" ""No, he wasn't better than you."" [god appears] ""Mary, what the hell?"""

"Why did MacDonald's ban Tumblr? Because they don't serve Trans-Fats."

"Who are the world's fastest readers? 9/11 victims they got through 63 stories in 10 seconds."

"Wall, you may have ears but you're pretty useless without a mouth and eyes, aren't you? Wall?"

"There should be more than one kind of handicapped parking placard. ""I have no legs"" and ""My knees gave out at 350 lbs"" aren't the same."

"I just 'borrowed' $20 from my teenage daughter. She's such an idiot."