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Joke of the Day

"Why do the walking dead survivors try to get to washington D.C.? Because it's their Michonne."

"What is your favorite thing the new iPhone can do? Mine is distract me from my own mortality"

"I really want a Popsicle but I'm so not in the mood for Freezer Jenga."

"I like to hold hands at the movies... which always seems to startle strangers."

"Oh dear. This black lady on the Maury show is so upset. I think the gentleman she's been dating has let her down in some way."

"Hillary: if we aren't careful donald trump could be our next president. Let that sink in Clinton Aide: *opens door* Sink: sorry i'm late"

"I was having sex with a woman last night and she kept screaming this other guys name. Who the hell is this ""Rape"" fellow, anyway?"

"Me: I played this as a kid. It's from back when video games made sense 6-year-old: Why did you jump on a turtle? Me: Because I'm a plumber"

"What does the average male have in common with a Velociraptor? They both have a six inch retractable claw."

"You know what Nixon did wrong? He only broke into the watergate hotel once. He should have done it everyday. Then it would have been normal. Yes, you got it, jokes on you."