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Joke of the Day

"He died doing what he loved -- screaming for help and punching a bear."

"People who say me breastfeeding in public is 'inappropriate' ...should grow up. It strengths the relationship between me and my dog."

"Why couldnt Helen Keller drive? Because she's a woman."

"Pretty sure HR is going to be paying me a visit, thanks to the CW that emailed to thank me for ""all the services I provided them""."

"""What do you do for a living?"" ""I'm an organ trafficker."" ""Oh my God, do you have no heart?"" ""Are you criticizing me or making an order?"""

"what's the difference between a wife and a job? After 10 years the job still sucks."

"How do you measure pain? In Hertz."

"I'm a perfectionist when it comes to being imperfect."

"I'm wearing my big rolled up socks again today and I'm doing so with pride. So all you haters can get in a taxi and chip off."

"I only get laid because of who I am... A rapist! -Rodney Dangerfield, RIP"