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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend doesn't know this, but I put a dollar in an envelope every time we have sex. That's all I'm spending on her for Christmas. So far she's getting a McChicken."

"CW: I think you're two-faced Me: Why don't you say that to my face CW: I just did! Me: No. My other face."

"Why do farts smell? So deaf people can enjoy them too."

"What letter has to wait in line the longest? Q"

"Top 5 causes of loose stools: 5. Indian food 4. Lactose 3. Coffee 2. Mexican food 1. IKEA"

"If i were a pro wrestler my finisher would be struggling to put together an IKEA chair then smashing it on the other dude in frustration"

"I have almost 120,000 miles on my office chair."

"i need a reasonably paying job. something like $6,000 an hour, nothing too wild."

"Why do you call a Mexican midget a paragraph? Because he isn't a full essay"

"what did they call the disc jockey who kept playing the same songs again and again? DJ Vu"