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Joke of the Day

"I need to workout ASAP I gotta start working out or something man. Was struggling to get all the juice squeezed out of a lemon. Not cool"

"Today I thanked my toilet, because it puts up with my shit everyday."

"I'm friends with 25 letters of the alphabet I don't know y"

"How many Dubstep fans does it take to catch a fish? Three. One to fish and two to catch the bass as it drops."

"If I had a time machine I'd alter the Big Bang Theory pilot episode so all the characters exploded in the very first scene"

"What do you call a line of rabbits walking backwards? A receding hare-line."

"I leave the window open at night hoping a drunk criminal will accidentally drop a bag of money inside while trying to break in."

"What's the difference between a garbonzo bean and a chickpea? I wouldn't pay $300 to have a garbonzo bean on my face!"

"My girlfriend was asked to step aside and frisked at the airport for resembling a Friends character. I think she was a victim of Rachel profiling."

"How bout a fortune cookie that tells you not to take advice from shitty dessert."