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Joke of the Day

"Instead of ""In God We Trust"" written on our money, we should have ""In Money We Trust"" written on our bibles."

"I'm training my cats to use the bathroom like people. It really works! [cut to bathroom: two cats do cocaine off the toilet tank]"

"My dog never listens to me, and I think he might have a speech impediment... He keeps balking at me when I try to tell him to be quiet"

"My friend said he's going to a fancy dress party as a small Italian island..... I said don't be so silly."

"How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? Put it in the microwave until it's Bill Withers."

"If you believe you can pass a drug test by drinking large amounts of water, you're just diluting yourself."

"My maths teacher is like a line that touches a point on a curve He goes on a tangent but he always gets to the point."

"How do you turn a cow into a steak? You mootilate it."

"German sausages... are the wurst."

"Honey! I'm pregnant! Hello pregnant, I'm Dad."