106511

Joke of the Day

"estoy embarazada - Mi amor, estoy embarazada. Que te gustaria que fuera? - Una broma?."

"Kids, eat your vegetables. *reluctantly, they eat* [2 hrs later] *I eavesdrop on their convo* Daughter: Unionizing will help us bargain."

"What do you get when you mix free running with golf? Parfour Sorry"

"[Date] ""I'm going to use the restroom *leans over table* and I counted my onion rings, there's six."""

"A man with ejaculatory disorder ran up behind me... Jesus he really came out of nowhere."

"I will literally punch you in the throat the next time you misuse the word ""literally""."

"*inside camp-out tent* ""Wanna hear-"" *puts torch under chin* ""-a scary story?"" *flicks torch on, it vibrates* ""OMG. ITS. NOT. A. TORCH."""

"I played Dodgeball... I got Bullied.... I ate Gluten... I didn't get Participation Trophies... I turned out fine... So will your kid..."

"Of course everyone seems sexy in a nightclub. There's liquor and you can't hear them."

"What would happen if Leafy went to The Filthy Frank show? Chin-chin would leave."