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Joke of the Day

"I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it."

"I was very confused the other dah I was discussing religion with a man and he claimed to be a ""moose limb"". Must be some kinda canadian thing I guess."

"Q: If a man's signature is called a John Hancock, what do you call a woman's? A: Historically insignificant."

"Urge is strong to leave work early on summer Fridays to avoid traffic. Most do it & become the traffic they sought to avoid."

"How do you make a tiramisu? With a thousand Gigamisous"

"Mental note, its inappropriate, according to the HR department, to put your hand on the back of a female coworkers head as she eats a banana"

"Watch Forrest Gump *feel inspired *toss orthotics out, go for jog *1/2 block later, keel over and die next to shit happens bumper sticker"

"What is something that you never forget on a field trip? 9/11."

"I decided to face reality today and I definitely won't be doing that again anytime soon."

"For a guy who's obsessed with public safety, I think Batman drives a little too fast sometimes."