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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between illegal and unlawful? One is against the law, the other is a sick bird."

"Contagious Had my grandmother mow my lawn, it took that contagious."

"I used to go out with an English teacher, but she dumped me... She didn't approve of my improper use of the colon."

"Yes, I love them, Friend: You have sweet shop, don't you feel like eating? Him: Yes, I love them, but dad put all sweet counted, so I taste them and put them back..!!"

"This is my favorite least offensive offensive joke Which football player gets the most wedgies? The tight ends."

"My eyes physically can't roll any higher up into my skull to show you how annoying you are."

"What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a baby? Eric Clapton wouldn't let a bag of cocaine fall out a window."

"Show me a man who calls himself a vegan, ...and I'll show you a man who's trying to shag a vegan."

"If we start referring to the oil spill as a ""petrol spill"" it sounds like an indie rock band and we can all just do drugs and chill."

"My parents and teachers said I could be anything I wanted but I'm 28 now and I'm still not a hot Asian girl named Bang Bang :("