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Joke of the Day

"waitressing She may only be a waitress but at least she brings food to the table"

"Q: What do you call the folks who hang around the musicians at conservatories? A: Violists."

"Yo mama so fat... ...every year she win the Mrs. Hungary Pageant without even entering."

"Whats worse than having a lobster on yer piano? Having crabs on yer organ!"

"I think I'm going to adopt a kid.. Recycling is important, after all."

"Walked past a hero turned to stone I guess the gods took him for granite"

"It's not what man can create it's what man can become."

"[after moving into a haunted house] *setting up potters wheel* OH NO WHO WILL HELP ME LEARN POTTERY *sitting in silence for 40mins*"

"911: What's your emergency? ""I put the Ford in affordable housing."" 911: Are you flirting? ""No I crashed into some apartments. SEND HELP"""

"My friend once said, ""If I wasn't making cocktails, I'd be a criminal."" Now he's behind bars."