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Joke of the Day

"A quick way to get your kids to leave you alone is to say, ""I need to make your dentist appointment."""

"Husband to daughter's boyfriend... ...""Glad to finally meet you. I've noticed you in our food budget for some time now."""

"This guy next to me thinks I'm flirting, but really I'm just trying to see where he parks so I can steal his gas"

"My teacher told me my drawing was pretty good, I told her I know. My mom always told me I was borderline artistic."

"At my funeral I'm going to have a Sharpie chained to the coffin so friends can draw one last dick on my face."

"I thought all the men at my gym were being exceptionally nice for a Monday morning but turns out my workout pants are just see-through."

"I have so may gay friends... I can't keep them straight."

"If movies have taught me anything, it's that the insurance for fruit vendor carts must be astronomical."

"Why don't pirates drive on mountain roads? 'Scurvy"

"To err is human, to eh is Canadian."