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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between Jesus and Mexicans? Jesus doesn't have any tattoos of Mexicans."

"[about to go in for emergency surgery] ME: *slips surgeon a $20* what if you were to give me wings like a giant bird?"

"I'm going for LASIK surgery tomorrow Really looking forward to it."

"Donald Sterling saying racism is not a problem is like mosquitoes saying malaria is not a problem."

"The doctor told my wife her cervix is still really hard last night. How would the doctor know that without sticking her whole hand......omg"

"So, what's the suspension like on one of these? Does it have good road handling? What's the spring rate? ~ me, bra shopping"

"I tried to make a joke about coins But it didn't make any cents"

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean...? I've never had a garbanzo bean on my chest."

"Some people don't realize how grateful they should be that I'm not allowed to carry a sword in public."

"Life is a lot like chess You've always got to be thinking two steps ahead. And most people want to be white."