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Joke of the Day
"Why was the washing machine laughing? Because it was taking the piss out of the undies"
Next Joke
"What did the underweight onion say to the garlic? No more light bulb jokes!"
"""No more Mr Nice Guy"" ~ Mr Nice Guy's eulogy"
"The cashier at the grocery store just gave me an ""I'm cooler than you"" look. Dude I will fight you with this baby strapped to me"
"What do you call a Muslim abortion clinic? counter terrorism"
"I can't help but feel partially responsible for the fact that you're reading this Tweet right now."
"Where does the General keep his armies? In his sleevies."
"What's green and smells like bacon? Kermit's fingers!"
"I'm getting pretty worried, my girlfriend hasn't gotten her period yet. And she's already 14."
"I want to give my ex a great Valentines present to show him how much I still care. I think I'll go all out and buy him a Toyota."