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Joke of the Day

"My husband told me I was beautiful for the first time tonight Sure, he was drunk and using a Scooby Doo voice but I'll take it"

"Regretting that I didn't install a GPS locator on the baby, because man this Hooters is a big place."

"[Last supper] Jesus: Same time next week guys? *they all nod* Judas: I'll book a table for 12 Jesus: you mean 13 Judas: yeah..13, I meant 13"

"I wonder if people in 3rd world countries know that we can choose between crushed and regular ice cubes."

"What do you buy a recently neutered cat? Spay Roses."

"How do you titillate and ocelot? You oscillate it's tit a lot!"

"Nowadays, French fries are made from potatoes. What did they used to be made from before the 1960s? Potatoes"

"Why don't they let whales into strip clubs? They tend to humpback."

"Kanye walks into a museum in Finland. ""Imma let you Finnish,"" he snickers. The entire tour laughs. They're all Kanye, too. And so are you."

"What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning? Pulls her pants up and goes home."