105404

Joke of the Day

"I have a knack for philosophical puns... I guess you could say I have really found my nietzsche."

"*Friend sees my knuckle tats* F: 'MMA4LYFE,' really? *I put my fists by my English prof's 'OXFORDCO' knuckle tats* *we start break dancing*"

"I relate to Game of Thrones because much like my own life, I have no idea what's going on and there's a lot of sex and wine drinking."

"[Creation] God: *creates the crab Crab: ""wtf?"" God:""You're a crab"" Crab:""wtf?"" God:""Now go forth"" Crab: *walks sideways ""WTAF?!"""

"What is good on pizza, but not good on pussy? The cheese and crust."

"""Name?"" queries the Starbucks barista. The almighty feathered serpent Quetzalcoatl only sighs."

"A friend told me this one... Why did the cyclops close his school? Because he only had one pupil! The joke is that I have no friends"

"We never knew he was always drunk... ...until he showed up to work sober."

"MISSED CONNECTION: I was the customer. You were the cable guy. You said you'd be here by 5 but you never came you piece of shit I'm gonna fi"

"""So all you have to do is scroll down the screen to reverse her progression from sexy prom queen to fat soccer mom."" - Facebook's Timeline"